ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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