I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
