grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
