happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize