Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
