He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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