I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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