Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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