Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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