I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
