mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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