that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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