OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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