i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
