Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I need a beard to bite.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
