What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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