it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
