Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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