that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
