Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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