just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize