they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
