Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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