the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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