Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
