He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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