Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize