She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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