I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
