Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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