Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.

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(330): View more from Ohio

98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk

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(754): View more from Florida

I feel like the other woman.

(954): View more from Florida

You ARE the other woman.

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(315): View more from New York

Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.

(1-315): View more from New York

Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha

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(231): View more from Michigan

was I really that bad?

(616): View more from Michigan

you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage

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(727): View more from Florida

Why were you not born a dude?

(1-727): View more from Florida

Because god wanted to level the playing field

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(404): View more from Georgia

Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.

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(631): View more from New York

duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!

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(815): View more from Illinois

I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags

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