Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's blow job season.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
