Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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