So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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