i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
