I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
