thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
