i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
