um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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