I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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