Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
