What did we do last night that was yellow?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
