I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
