Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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