the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
