Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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