Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
