people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
