i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
