but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
