If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
