well I can't set my house on fire every night
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
