I wish you could order shots online.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
