I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
