I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
