My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
