The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
