Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize