Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
