if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
