Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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