Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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