I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
