I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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