awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
