it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
