You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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