The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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