it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
