If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
