Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
