What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
