I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
