she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize