in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
