i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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