I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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