I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
