A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
