billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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