I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
