JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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