I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
