i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
as a side note pls kill me
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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