I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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