Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
