It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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