I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
