its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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