No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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