I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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