Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
