i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Panties = found
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
