if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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