your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i don't like sucking hair
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
