it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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