I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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