well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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