So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
