Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
