just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
