We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
