I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
