chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
