Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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